I have done the deed, I have taken the 'before' picture.. I hate 'before' pictures because it occasionally makes you realize you look worse than you thought you actually did... SOMETIMES it makes you realize you look better than you thought, but this is NOT one of those times!
I'm feeling the same way I felt when I posted my measurements (only worse) my head is spinning, I feel nauseous and there is a knot in my stomach. I hate this, but I'm really trying to get past all of these feelings and continue to put myself out there.
I can hear the voice in my head telling me that those who view this will be as disgusted as I am with it.. Logically I know that's ridiculous because most who are reading along on my journey are dealing with their own personal struggle and know what I'm going through. I also know that I wouldn't think anything negative looking at anyone else's 'before' pictures.
This is different though, this is ME. I don't show this side of me.. Ive always been about hiding myself. I hide behind big jackets, baggy t-shirts, throw pillows and blankets.. I don't post pictures like this. I have to though. I want to see the truth, to see how unhealthy I have become. It makes it more real.
I made sure to wear a ponytail, wear no makeup and have no tan. I made sure not to smile...LOL I made sure of this so I can make it like one of those weight loss fad/ gimmick commercials. When I take my after picture I will make sure my hair looks luxurious and styled, I will wear makeup and have a tan.. I will use Crest White Strips and smile a BIG smile.. that's how they do it anyway don't they?
In all actuality I hope to be so healthy and happy that my skin radiates, my smile sparkles and all the smoke and mirrors aren't necessary. I want to look at my picture and not pick it apart. For once I want to look at myself and smile, not want to vomit. It will happen in time.
Here they are in all of there glorious misery :P To think my breasts used to actually fit INTO the bathing suit top! LOL
Monday, December 21, 2009
Brace Yourself :P
Posted by Brandi at 10:46 AM
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2 comments:
First, I just want to say that you are a brave girl! I need to take some "before" pictures and measurements of myself, and am NOT looking forward to it. But you have inspired me. I’ll do it as soon as my hubby goes back to work. He’s on vacation now, so I have no privacy!
Second, I can’t believe that your weight is in the 220’s. I weigh about 15 pounds more than you and can guarantee that I wouldn’t look half as good as you do in a bikini.
Third, it’s a great idea to take these pictures in a suit that will fit you when you’ve reached your goal. It’ll be a great comparison!
this will be soooo good to have after!!!! you'll be SO proud putting them side by side.
another thing i did was buy a "goal" outfit.. and i put it on before, and it didn't fit, took pictures of me squeezed into it! lol.. then took the after pictures in it.. and it was too BIG!
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