OK, I Have A Confession To Make

I have not written a blog post in exactly 4 months. Coincidentally today is also exactly 5 months since my last day of my 4 weeks at Fitness Ridge. It was kind of depressing reading my last entry. I was so proud and excited at the success I was having at home. Then I stopped writing. Soon after that last post I went on a rampage. I continued to work out, but my nutritional habits began spiralling out of control! I stopped writing because I was embarrassed. I am angry at myself because if I had continued to write I would have probably held myself more accountable AND received support from all of the wonderful people that were following my blog.

Eventually during the last month, my fitness also started to suffer. I was completely back to my old ways and bad habits. I had gained back 8lbs since my trip to Fitness Ridge. That meant I actually gained 16 lbs because I had lost more weight the month after returning. Surprisingly because of the huge difference FR made to my mind I did not begin to fall back into my ways of self loathing ad worthlessness. I was extremely disappointed in myself, but I did not allow myself to hate me again. Don't get me wrong, I was angry at me, and I did have a couple of minor meltdowns, but in comparison to how I used to be, it was a remarkable difference. I had done a Facebook fitness competition for the month of June. It was a great idea and was created by my wonderful fellow Fitness Ridgers. I just realized I still owe a t-shirt to the wonderful winner of the contest who kicked ass! Oops! The contest kept me on track and gave me something to aim for. Then school ended. My gym doesn't have a daycare. (We live in a tiny town) My son was finished school. So pretty much all hell broke loose. I had no means of getting in any good cardio.. my son doesn't last long for bike rides and walks etc.. he gets bored. I have really long legs and if he is with me I cant get moving fast enough to get any major benefits out of it. I unsuccessfully tried to keep up with working out with dumbbells etc. I was officially in a rut.

It just so happened my scale broke during the month as well and although I know we shouldn't focus on the number. I had no way of keeping myself in check. I knew I was feeling less energetic and more sluggish, but I didn't have the number screaming "YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR!" I had no idea how high my weight was creeping again :(

When I left Fitness Ridge in March, I didn't sign up to come back. I wouldn't need them! Pfffft! I was going to be so successful on my own! Little did I know that Id be making a call to wonderful Nancy in reservations. I begged and grovelled.. "Please do something!!" LOL I needed to fix this and fast. I needed some motivation and inspiration. I was past the point of getting up and brushing myself off. I needed help. My problem this time was more nutritional. The first time it was my battered self esteem AND fitness AND nutrition. This time I mainly needed help with food. I needed a junk food detox. I think I figured out why its easier to get into exercising than it is to get into eating healthy. When you exercise you feel good IMMEDIATELY. When you eat well you feel exactly the same (if not a little grumpy that your food wasn't drenched in cheese and tastiness) It takes a few days to start feeling the effects of healthy eating and by then Ive usually gotten bored with it and went back to what my cravings were telling me to do! I needed to go somewhere where I had no choice!

Luck was on my side (and Nancy) There was an opening at Fitness Ridge for July 25- August 1. I booked it instantly. It was my only option. I never in a million years thought I would be back there 5 months later! I told Lianne (a wonderful woman I met during my first trip to FR, who turned into a close friend) that I was going back and she called Nancy as well. A few weeks passed and she got in as well! It was going to be a mini reunion! Knowing I was going back gave me hope. I was worried about going back, being with a different crowd etc that it wouldn't feel the same. I would find out in a month!